| 07 September 2010
Two of our favorite things in life are the NFL and the Simpsons. So, on the eve of the 2010 football season getting underway, why not bring the two together in a Simpsons Style NFL Preview! Each team is assigned a doppelganger character from the show that might explain their personality or their fate for the upcoming season. Which Springfieldian is your favorite team? And will our analogies leave you saying D'Oh!!
AFC East
New York Jets - Homer Simpson
-Maybe this one is too easy. Rex Ryan is a big fat loudmouth who loves attention. Ryan has become the star attraction of NFL Head Coaches and puts his team's target on his ample backside. Even his pregame speeches involve snacks! Likewise, Homer Simpson is the star of the Simpsons and sees most of the action revolve around his shenanigans. Oh, and the similar body type helps too. Honestly, can't you picture Rexy doing this at home?
New England Patriots - Marge Simpson
-Granted I haven't seen a new episode of the Simpsons in about 10 years, but I did find on Google that Tom Brady guest starred on a Season 16 episode! The connection to Marge though comes with Bill Belichick, the dull nagging presence of the NFL. The Patriots will do anything possible this year to stop the Jets (Homer) and their crazy schemes through a series of grunts and sighs. They also have fashion icons - the blue hair and the hoodie! Let's just pray to God Belichick doesn't pose for Playboy though...
Miami Dolphins - Prof. Frink
-Like the mad scientist of the Simpsons, the Dolphins always seem to have a new trick up their sleeve with the Wildcat. The offensive innovation that took the league by storm has now spread to many clubs in the NFL with cheap imitators everywhere. What will professor Dan Henning do with Brandon Marshall now at his disposal?
Buffalo Bills - Chief Wiggum
-Much like the Springfield Police Department, the Bills will be a largely inept operation this season. This clip is one of the best random Simpsons clips of all time from Season 4 featuring Cheif Wiggum and Cops: In Springfield... suspect is hatless! Repeat, hatless!!
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens - Nelson Muntz
-The physically dominant bully of each genre. Like Nelson Muntz, Ray Lewis and the Ravens defense physically pulverizes the opposition and forces their way to the top. Expect another punishing season from the Baltimore bullies.
Pittsburgh Steelers - Moe
-Big Ben made one too many stops in at Moe's this offseason. Moe the bartender represents the blue collar worker typified by the Steelers, their style of play, and their fans. Oh, did I mention the connection between Big Ben and bars yet? I wonder if Roethlisberger's meeting with Roger Goodell went anything like this...
Cincinnati Bengals - Snake 
-Well, when your roster includes the likes of Cedric Benson, Tank Johnson, and the one and only PacMan Jones... Springfield's most notorious convict is an easy choice as your team's doppelganger. Well, at least Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco can bring some levity to the situation this year... pray for Carson Palmer.
Cleveland Browns - Barney Gumble
-Wallowing in the sorrow that is Cleveland sports is Springfield's resident drunkard - Barney Gumble. With LeBron leaving town, the Indians in the middle of another period of wandering in the wilderness, and the Browns turning to Jake Delhomme, dark days are here for Cleveland sports. But hey, sometimes out of adversity something beautiful can happen! Don't give up Cleveland!
AFC South
Indianapolis Cols - Ned Flanders
-This one is a no-brainer. The Colts are the NFL's cleanest and most respected organization. No matter what you throw their way, they always come back smiling. Peyton Manning is the real life Ned Flanders - even down to the okily dokily way of doing things and his gosh darn likability. Well, at least we don't have to worry about Peyton Manning enslaving the world's population... or do we??
Houston Texans - Frank Grimes
-Frank Grimes is one of my all-time favorite Simpsons characters. Maybe he's the best one shot wonder in animated sitcom history. Frank's problem was that he never caught a break. He worked hard, he did everything right, but he never could get ahead. That NFL team is the Houston Texans. They have the right pieces and the right parts, but they can never catch that break to make the next level.
Tennessee Titans - Lurleen Lumpkin
-Hey, they're both from Nashville, right? Well, ummm... and, they both have star power with Chris Johnson and Vince Young the superstars for the Titans. All right, I'll admit, it's a bit of a stretch, but this is harder than it looks!
Jacksonville Jaguars - Lenny
-Lenny is a filler character that works with Homer at the plant and shows up every now and then at Moe's. In 2010, the Jags are nothing more than supporting characters in the league. Nobody watches the Simpsons to see Lenny, and nobody watches the NFL to see the Jags either (especially in Jacksonville). Let's face it, this is Lenny's major contribution to the show...
AFC West
San Diego Chargers - Rainier Wolfcastle
-Like the Simpsons' Ah-nuld lookalike, the Chargers have all the talent and all the looks of an elite team. They have the chops to star in the major motion picture consistently. However, there then comes a time when they have to take the biggest stage under the brightest lights and well, you know what happens from there...
Denver Broncos - Rod and Todd Flanders
-The kids of Ned Flanders are blissfully naive and yet full of hope. Rod and Todd bare a striking resemblance to another good faithful youngster that annoys people to death with his positive outlook on life - Tim Tebow. Tebow and his younger brother Josh McDaniels are the Broncos' future. Unfortunately for Denver fans, they might have this reaction to the upcoming season...
Oakland Raiders - Sea Captain
-I mean, come on, the picture says it all!
Kansas City Chiefs - Paty & Selma
-Two more pretty pictures! These two former Belichick disciples were brought back together after bad times on their own in South Bend and Cleveland. If you want to get real specific, Selma is Charlie Weis, failing in a glamour relationship with Notre Dame (played by Troy McClure). But, reunited again in Kansas City, maybe they'll find some joy again to relive the good old days... or not.
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys - Mr. Burns
-One insane, power-hungry billionaire deserves another! Jerry Jones is the NFL's version of the greedy Mr. Burns, complete with his own Dallas temple dedicated to himself. If Dallas does host the Super Bowl this year, I hope someone tries this on Jerry during Super Bowl week. (one of my all-time favorite Simpsons clips!)
Philadelphia Eagles - Comic Book Guy
-A big fat know it all... and well, you get the picture. Andy Reid seems to have all the answers for the Eagles, and his stay at the helm of Philly's version of Android's Dungeon seems never ending. Worst. Dynasty. Ever!
New York Giants - Fat Tony
-Fat Tony is a powerful New York mobster that comes around to star in an episode every now and then on The Simpsons. His New York counterparts have similarly faded in and out of the spotlight the past few seasons. The G-Men have gone from ultimate glory in Super Bowl 42 to being decidedly average season last year. Really though, this doppelganger just gives me an excuse to show this clip!
Washington Redskins - Martin Prince
-Like Martin, Dan Snyder is that nerdy kid that sticks to you like gum on the bottom of your shoe. No matter how much money he spends though, or how smart he may be, Snyder and the Redskins can never make it into the in crowd. (Well, there was that one episode where Martin becomes popular when he helped Bart study... maybe I've seen too many Simpsons episodes...)
NFC North
Minnesota Vikings - Grandpa Simpson
-How Abe Simpson and Old Man River have lasted as long as they have is beyond me. Like Grandpa Simpson, we just can't get rid of OMR. Maybe someone should try messing with Favre's dentures to throw him off his game... or just put him in a home already! With another trip to New Orleans, that may come sooner rather than later. Please for the love of God just make him go away.
Green Bay Packers - Lisa Simpson
-Lisa Simpson is a straight A student. She plays the sax extremely well. She's smart. She cares about the earth. She does everything right. Coming into the 2010 season, the Green Bay Packers are everybody's can't miss team. Nobody sees any flaws in 2010 MVP Aaron Rodgers and the dynamic attack. Yet, much like Meg Griffin, Lisa ends up as a misunderstood outcast most of the time and shoved aside, like in these two hilarious clips! Will the Packers dream season fall apart as well?
Chicago Bears - Maggie Simpson
-Stick a pacifire in Jay Cutler's mouth. The biggest crybaby in the NFL finally got his wish last year by being traded out of Denver. Of course, that trade landed him in the city most known for its quarterbacking failures and Cutler had a terrible season. Will another poor season will lead Cutler to search for his bottle once again and demand another trade?
Detroit Lions - Milhouse
-Always trying, but always failing. Too bad Matt Millen is gone, because this comparison would be even more appropriate! Everything from the blue color down to the constant losing has these two as kindred spirits. If this video doesn't sum up the Detroit Lions, I don't know what does...
NFC South
New Orleans Saints - Bart Simpson
-The star of the show! Saints fans are still celebrating their Super Bowl victory on the eve of the new season and why not? The Saints and Sean Payton are much like Bart because they aren't afraid to take gambles and their creativity and outside the box thinking lead to success. Heck, Sean Payton coaches like it's a game of Madden! Despite their mischievousness, they are one of the most popular champs in recent years. And hey, since they're my favorite team we get 3 classic Bart clips!
Atlanta Falcons - Santa's Little Helper
-Santa's Little Helper was saved from the dog track, and the Falcons were saved from... well... you know the story.
Carolina Panthers - Sideshow Mel
-The Panthers were the toughest team to find a character. They don't really have a team identity coming into the season. They don't have any real star players that stand out, or even a player you can easily make fun of (well, at least until Jimmy Clausen starts), and they don't really have a chance of making an impact on the NFL this season. Sideshow Mel seems about right.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Carl
-Like their Flordia neighbors the Jaguars (represented by Lenny), the Bucs are mere bit players this season. Yup. No fancy video. No clever transition or joke to see here.
NFC West
Arizona Cardinals - Troy McClure
-A former movie star team that has seen better days. Now, the guy that used to be the top draw in Hollywood is on the street and ready to take whatever infomercial comes his way. My favorite Troy McClure move has got to be The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel. Will we see Matt Leinart doing a Planet of the Apes musical soon?
San Francisco 49ers - Seymour Skinner
-Both feature strict disciplinarians in charge of a ragtag band of misfits. If Mike Singletary can turn around Vernon Davis, is there hope for Skinner and the malcontents of Springfield Elementary? On a side note, remember when we found out Seymour Skinner wasn't really Seymour Skinner... yea, that's when the Simpsons began it's long, slow decline. Will the 49ers meet the same fate? Not with inspiration like this!
Seattle Seahawks - Diamond Joe Quimby
-The Seahawks are led this year by a slick new head man. Diamond Joe Quimby and Teflon Pete Carroll share a lot in common. They both have obvious flaws and have made transgressions that largely escape their profile. Major violations at USC under your nose? No, let's not ask Pete any tough questions or place any blame at his feet. Although it's not Joe Quimby directly, I also have the excuse to show this clip!
St. Louis Rams - Ralph Wiggum
-Both are utterly clueless. The most stunning thing about this project is that there is a 6 minute video clip of nothing but Ralph Wiggum quotes... and it has over 325 thousand views! What a country!
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